I have noticed in the ten years that I have been counseling and teaching Christian couples that they divorce for almost entirely different reasons than secular couples. No matter whether I speak on the radio or I am interviewed for print media I am always asked why on this question.
Secular marriages are all accepting and have the ability to go very low in its relationship to the participants and still yet remain attatched. Religious couples on the other hand tend to push only towards a higher morale scale and will dissolve if they stumble downwards on a morale scale.
What happens in a religious home is one spouse finds God and almost immediately tries to make their mate over in the image of Christ. They view the person they once had love for as an endless work in progress until they meet God's approval. The first spouse to find God believes that everything they knew, touched or people in their lives to be dirty and for many that seems to be their spouse included.
In some cases a believer marries a non believer and then seeks to force change upon that person. If that person does not change they have an ultimatum of divorce over their heads. They attend counseling sessions and ask the question concerning the bibles interpretation of being equally yoked. For those people who knew they went into the relationship unequally yoked I remind them that we are told that if we marry or are married to the non believer we are not allowed to divorce for that reason alone. We are encouraged to win them over to God with love and not by force of will.
On the other hand you have marriages that are justified in being dissolved through divorce. How can this be when we are instructed even by Jesus himself that what God has joined together let no man set asunder? Simple, by asking ourselves whether God joined us together or did we make the decision. I tell this to an awful lot of gentlemen who regret loosing a horrible marriage because they feel that it makes them a failure. Yet their first impression of their spouse was from her backside in a lustful desire. In fact the relationship ended the same way it started.
Equally women who are physically attracted or have other pressing desires to be with someone for other than Gods true purpose for marriage. If the Father put your marriage together then even with the worst of times to include adultery you can come back to being whole. But if you put it together and you plan on going on with your life trying to keep it together you can do it but you had better be strong. Visit my web page at www.filapublishing.com
Charles Rivers- National Christian Relationship Author/Seminar Host. Author of- "Married without Baggage, Heart of the Marriage, The Good Marriage Maintenance Kit, How To Become Your Spouse's Best Friend, How To Get the Most In Marriage.
Don’t Let the Down Times Make You Turn Inward
Pain has a way of making all of us withdraw and turn inward. Sometimes we go through times that are particularly trying, so much so that a vacuous hole in your faith opens up that may send you back to the cruthces you depended on in your secular life. We begin to doubt God as we become lead attendants at our self-designed pitty party, I have been there. When we are at our lowest is the best time to give outward, remembering first that others are going through what you have. You were born for a time such as now believe me. Our heavenly Father is not keen so much on our behavior when the bills are paid and our love life is excellent but what do you do when those things you love hurt you the most.
As I said before volunteer to those who have your pain. Not the pain of divorce but the pain of loss. You will learn that the experience of loss is as vast as the human population. You will also learn that in helping to heal their pain you have liberated yourself from your own.
I wish you all the best on your journey..
Sincerely,
Charles Rivers- National Christian Relationship Author/Seminar Host www.filapublishing.com Author of- "Married without Baggage, Heart of the Marriage, The Good Marriage Maintenance Kit, How To Become Your Spouse's Best Friend, How To Get the Most In Marriage.
Learning How to Forgive Everyone Else and Yourself
If we can learn to forgive your parents and your spouse than it should be a lesson of discovery to forgive anyone else. Not simply for the sake of forgiving but in the understanding of the human levels of love each one of us attains and manifest on a daily basis. For the people of your congregation or daily life that offend you currently only operate out of whatever level of love they have achieved in life thus far, just as you do. This is why God judges the heart and not the words or exterior appearances of people.
The Apostle Peter writes in Acts 10:34 that "Most certainly and thoroughly I now perceive and understand that God shows no partiality and is no respector of persons." If someone has not achieved any higher level of love than just Erotic love for themselves or society it will be a far stretch on your part to expect Agape love form them. As a child of God we will face the larger judgement for not trying to bring those folks up to a higher level of love.
Charles Rivers- National Christian Relationship Author/Seminar Host CRMarriage@aol.com Author of- "Married without Baggage, Heart of the Marriage, The Good Marriage Maintenance Kit, How To Become Your Spouse's Best Friend, How To Get the Most In Marriage and Apocalypse Angel. You can find my books on www.amazon.com
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