Direction…heal me from my hurt and pain from a break up

 
  1. stillhavejoi
    Newbie
    Cincinnati
    4   Posts

    I just recently ended a 8 month relationship, with my boyfriend.  It was good in the begninning, then it turned bad 2 months after that..and it never recovered.  He decieved me and lied to me regarding seeing another women along with me in the beginining.  He had an issue with tunnel vision, not wanting to announce that I was his woman, not telling me that he loved me.  Our biggest issue along side of him cheating on me, was that he didn’t want to call through-out the day.  If we were together on a weekend, he wouldn’t call me to see if I made it home or not.  When I was at work, he wouldn’t call me to check on me to see if I made it to work, until hrs later…..Finally I couldn’t take anymore and I made the decision to end the relationship.  Right now, I’m hurting, because I prayed for 4 years for my husband to come to me, I kept myself I was celibant.  When we met, I was confident that he was the one!  Only to find out that he wasn’t.  I need prayer for healing, of this relationship so that I’m able to move on with my life, and to know that this decision was the right decision.  He was trying to make moves to be a better man, he started going to church with me, he started praying for our relationship.  But, he just never got to the point where he cared enough to see about me..to make me feel safe and that he cared enough about me…it made me feel abandoned by him when he didn’t call me…to see if I was alive or ok.  He would tell me that he didn’t have time to call me because of his job, he was too busy…..I know deep, deep down that this is the right decision..I just wanted us soo bad to make it.  I wanted to be remarried again.  Now I’m 40years old, and I feel soo lonely that I’m not going to be able to find anyone else.  It took 4 years to finally find someone now I’m right back at the bottom again.  Please Lord, help, me this is my truth!!

     

  2. Minister Margreta,COVEREDINTHEBLOOD OF JESUS
    Sr. Member
    MICHIGAN
    4549   Posts

    A WORD FROM THE FATHER WHO CARES AND LOVES YOU VERY MUCH: Deuteronomy 30:20 That thou mayest love the LORD thy God, and that thou mayest obey his voice, and that thou mayest cleave unto him: for he is thy life, and the length of thy days:

    DEUT 6: 5And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. 6And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: 7And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.  8And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes.  9And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.

    Deuteronomy 7:9 Know therefore that the LORD thy God, he is God, the faithful God, which keepeth covenant and mercy with them that love him and keep his commandments to a thousand generations;

    Deuteronomy 7:13 And he will love thee, and bless thee, and multiply thee: he will also bless the fruit of thy womb, and the fruit of thy land, thy corn, and thy wine, and thine oil, the increase of thy kine, and the flocks of thy sheep, in the land which he sware unto thy fathers to give thee.

    Deuteronomy 11:1Therefore thou shalt love the LORD thy God, and keep his charge, and his statutes, and his judgments, and his commandments, alway.

    Deuteronomy 11:13And it shall come to pass, if ye shall hearken diligently unto my commandments which I command you this day, to love the LORD your God, and to serve him with all your heart and with all your soul,

    Deuteronomy 11:22For if ye shall diligently keep all these commandments which I command you, to do them, to love the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, and to cleave unto him;

    Deuteronomy 30:6 And the LORD thy God will circumcise thine heart, and the heart of thy seed, to love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, that thou mayest live.

    Deuteronomy 30:16 In that I command thee this day to love the LORD thy God, to walk in his ways, and to keep his commandments and his statutes and his judgments, that thou mayest live and multiply: and the LORD thy God shall bless thee in the land whither thou goest to possess it.

    Deuteronomy 30:20 That thou mayest love the LORD thy God, and that thou mayest obey his voice, and that thou mayest cleave unto him: for he is thy life, and the length of thy days:

    Ephesians 1:18 The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that ye may know what is the hope of his calling, and what the riches of the glory of his inheritance in the saints,

    Ephesians 1:5-7 (King James Version) 5Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will,
    6To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved.  7In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of his grace;

    Colossians 1:9 For this cause we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to desire that ye might be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding;

    Colossians 2:2 That their hearts might be comforted, being knit together in love, and unto all riches of the full assurance of understanding, to the acknowledgement of the mystery of God, and of the Father, and of Christ;

     

  3. stillhavejoi
    Newbie
    Cincinnati
    4   Posts

    Thank you for the scripture…However, that doesn’t speak to my need and my issues…...I’m needing clear, non-scriptural based, just someone from the heart of my matter at hand…..

     

  4. Lilac8
    Newbie
    15   Posts

    I understand how you are feeling. To pick myself up when I went through that, I clung to The Lord. I told Him everything I was feeling, questions I had, etc. I knew there was something I needed to learn from every experience in my life, and I asked God to reveal His purposes for me. I asked for His Strength, His Comfort, His Peace. I asked Jesus to embrace me all those times I was crying myself to sleep. I was literally on my knees crying out to God.
    I asked for His Spirit to fill me with wisdom, paitnce, understanding, I asked Him to teach me and help me focus on HIM.
    And you know what, He answered my prayers. God keeps His Promises. He is unlike the men we may have met in the past. :)
    I will pray for you, and pray that you cling to The Lord, depend on Him, and TRUST HIM. Immerse yourself in prayer, in reading, praying and meditating on His Word and Promises.
    God Will provide for ALL our needs, not some, ALL. :)

     

  5. Lilac8
    Newbie
    15   Posts

    Keep yourself busy too with things that will help your grow physically (eating right, exercising), mentally, spiritually, emotionally (hang out with friends who will uplift you and not try to decipher your ex or what happened).
    Here are a few verses that helped me, and still do….
    Psalm 46:10
    Psalm 37:4
    Psalm 34: 17-18
    Proverbs 3:5-6
    Matthew 6:6
    Jeremiah 29: 11-13
    Psalm 119:28
    Psalm 147:3
    Luke 18:27

     

  6. Faithopelove
    Jr. Member
    43   Posts

    Stillhavejoi, I know what you’re going through.  My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago.  We didn’t cheat on each other, nor did we physically or emotionally abuse each other.  Things were actually pretty good. I let my emotions and insecurities get the best of me.  His job was putting a lot of pressure on him and he wasn’t good with communication.  Needless, to say I still love him and miss him.  I still hurt and cry out to God (on my hands and knees).  I’m in my early 30’s, never been married, I don’t have kids, we were celibate. I really thought he was the one, so losing him hurts.  However, this loss for me has been a learning experience and its helped me identify the places in my life that need healing.  I still pray for reconciliation but I also trust God that if he’s not the one for me, then he has someone better out there for me.  I know that you don’t want to hear scripture but God’s word and prayer is the only way you’ll recover from this.  Yes, time will eventually allow you to forget but without God you might just end up in the same place.  Know that God’s grace is sufficient, He needs to be number one in our lives, then all things will follow.  Only God can satisfy our needs. 

    Lilac8 has it right, keep yourself busy, eat right, exercise, and stay strong in the Lord.  Don’t try to figure it out, just trust God.  It also helps to make a list of the things that you’re thankful for. Ignore your circumstance and minister to other people’s needs.  Because my break up is so recent I tend to get anxiety and cry a lot, journaling and speaking to Godly people has helped.  If your friends haven’t accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior in their lives, then don’t even talk to them about it.  In terms of your ex.  Pray for your ex’s salvation and wish him all the best.  Make sure you don’t harbor any bad feelings towards him.  You don’t have to have communication with him but you can forgive him in your heart.  In forgiving him you have made a spiritual transaction and released him from your judgment. You won’t always feel better for forgiving him, ask for God’s grace to heal and free you where you’ve been hurt. Only God can heal your wound.  But know that God is faithful and if things didn’t work out with him, then it’s because He has a better plan for your life. 

    Covered In the Blood of Jesus gave you some beautiful scriptures.  God loves us so much that he gave his only begotten son to die on the cross for our sins.  Find comfort in God’s word.  We are His children, we have his DNA and can overcome all things in His name.

    I feel your pain.  I pray that God gives you peace and comfort.  God bless you.

     

  7. WARRIORPRINCESS
    Newbie
    18   Posts

    Stillhavejoi everybody gave wonderful comments I need not say much more. But this just goes to show that you are so loved, thought of, and being prayed for by people who don’t know you. God told us to stop by and reply.
    That age thing messes with all our comforting, rational thoughts doesn’t it? Thinking about it is like sending our future a sympathy wreath. And it’s really hard when we think they could be the “one” finally! God can heal our hearts if we let Him. It’s a process. We have to grieve the loss when someone or something leaves our lives. The last stage in the grieving process is acceptance. I know, I really hated that in the beginning. I don’t love the word now but I accept even the word acceptance now. That probably makes no sense.

    You will be led in your own spiritual therapy. Mine is my Christian friends(very small in #), my new exercise regime(everybody in the world tells me it’s not needed) I do it because it makes me feel good AFTER(before I’d like to just grab a cupcake and sleep), a good book(I happen to be working on myself right now), and a new hair color. I don’t have to wear my age in my hair if i don’t want to.
    I know that joy you have is still in there!!  :)

     

  8. amandam
    Newbie
    3   Posts

    I have been in a similar situation years ago. I remember at the time hurting so bad that I just wanted the world to pause for a litttle while so that I could catch my breath again.

    Guess what? The world did not stop and there was a simple strategy that help me through then and through tough time now…I remind myself that in any given moment there is only two real ways to live in that moment. 1) distress and fear or 2) at peace and with joy. So I CHOSE to live each moment in peace and with joy.

    Why waste those precious moments of life down and out when you cannot get that time back?

    I am happily married now, I just had to stop putting pressure on myself to “find” the right person in the timeframe in which I had set. Trust God, what else can you do?

     

  9. stillhavejoi
    Newbie
    Cincinnati
    4   Posts

    THANK YOU ALL…soo much my heart is soo touched right now, that their people out there..who really do care.  I’m grateful that the Lord sent you by my way to give me love and encouragement…thank you for being my “cheerleaders”.  I so needed it, at the right time…
    Update:  Tuesday (5/17/11) He called me out of the blew…I was shocked, I didn’t know if I should answer the phone or not.  I did.  (I looked at it that, I couldn’t avoid the situation).  I know they it says not to speak to the person, once you broke things off.  Well, it kinda was a healing for me and him to speak.  The conversation was short, he just wanted to know how I was doing? And that he missed me.  He said to me, that I was at peace now…..and we hung up.  I had to let that marinate for a few hours, and call him back to tell him.  The decision that I made, was not a easy decision it also was hard for me.  Because I want to be re-married again, and I just don’t want to be out here…dating.  He explained to me that he was feeling really bad, and depressed for being the cause of our break up.  He knows that the Lord sent me to him.  He told me that it has been equally difficult for him to process and to go through the process.
    He was a revelation…because normally, he has never been that transparent and opended up to me.  Wednesday 5/18/11.  My youngest daughter was graduating…and he surprise me and showed up!!!!  Wow! that was a really wow moment for me.  Before the break-up, I told me about the graduation date..I didn’t think that he remembered it.  We ended up sitting together, he talked..It just felt natural.  We talked later on in the evening, after the graduation, he asked me would I give him another chance.  He understood where things fell apart with us, and his part in it.  He told me that he wanted to be a better man, a man that I would be proud of.  He knows that he can only be that through me helping and pushing him.  We decided to take things day by day.  No pressure on the relationship aspect of it to work out.  My prayer is that the Lord will continue to lead and guide me spiritually and give me wisdom in the areas where I don’t know wether to go left or right or to stand still. My prayer for him, is to allow the Lord to open up his understanding and give him direction towards the Lord.  No one is perfect and we all have fallen short of the Lord’s glory.  I have to look at the man in the mirror and ask the Lord to show me, me…...Yes, the healing process is forgiveness…I’m getting there, I want to be soo comfortable with it, that you no longer see or hear the pain from it.  I want to LIVE!! and…..if after trying…again…it just don’t work out.. I would NOW know that, I didn’t give up. I allowed myself to try and now after it’s all said and done, if it didn’t work out….that chapter is over.

     

  10. stillhavejoi
    Newbie
    Cincinnati
    4   Posts
    amandam - 18 May 2011 09:14 PM

    I have been in a similar situation years ago. I remember at the time hurting so bad that I just wanted the world to pause for a litttle while so that I could catch my breath again.

    Guess what? The world did not stop and there was a simple strategy that help me through then and through tough time now…I remind myself that in any given moment there is only two real ways to live in that moment. 1) distress and fear or 2) at peace and with joy. So I CHOSE to live each moment in peace and with joy.
    You are so right…the world certainly doesn’t stop..We still have to keep living.!!!
    Why waste those precious moments of life down and out when you cannot get that time back?

    I am happily married now, I just had to stop putting pressure on myself to “find” the right person in the timeframe in which I had set. Trust God, what else can you do?